reflections

you see its hard. so hard. to suddenly come in and replace that other guy in her heart. 2 years and 10months. you are barely 3 months there you know. perhaps this is when you should tell yourself nope, your feelings for her are actually not that strong. its only 3 months on the road you nuthead. not even one tenth of what he meant to her if you would justify it quantitatively. so why take things so seriously with overexpectancy right from the start? remember what happened to you the first time round stupid boy. always remember...

but i guessed a person never change just like a leopard never changes its spots. i choose to go into it with all my heart. i choose to take the initiative and make an effort to make things work. the way that i was brought up, what i have been through, and what i have reflected upon and felt throughout my life has taught me never to take things for granted. just as well for relationships. never take the joy and blissfulness for granted. never take her presence beside you for granted. never assume that she will always care for you as much as you would care for her. i always believe in the notion that a relationship takes effort, time and careful thoughts to maintain. and when you are in doubt of what to do, always follow your heart. your heart leads you to where you long to be cos your heart never lies. and i chose to do that exactly. i know i missed her on times when i am thinking of her. i know i am frustrated and possibly flustered on times when i know i couldnt be there for her when she needs my support. i know i am jealous and affected when i see her hanging around so intimately with other guys. i know i long to beat that 2 year 10 months. but as you put your heart into it all, you cant help but hold back that little bit of optimism. you know you might simply not get what you deserved in return. obstacles will factor in. unknowing circumstances will ensue. she might be an angel in disguise. a devil even. and amidst all these uncertainties all might just come down to naught one day. but through it all, you can at least tell yourself that you have tried your very best, expended your every little ounce of energy and shed every single tear to leave with no regrets.

and so be it. i shall continue to pursue it this way and hopefully find the meaning to true love that every single person has always hoped and longed for. it can slip away or it can work out. it can be reciprocated or it can turn into shambles.

but if you have never given, then you can never take. nothing's granted.